Sunday 10 April ( B Ride Extended to Trough of Bowland)
The one with hangovers, a wild Boar, and an unexpected hill
The usual meet for 9 at the home of liver damage R us. A good attendance consideration the day before had been the second AGM of the goddam greatest cycling in the world..bar none…FACT ..subject to ratification by British Cycling
After the usual arguments , fistfights, swearing and finger pointing the groups were arranged, with the pink ladies , dad, and crew setting off on a pootle of their own. A second group with Colin Astil, Gus, Simon and Vinny decided to do the official route of 3 steps and Oakenclough
Dellis had her own ideas though. Not content with the mileage planned for the day Dellis was determined to break me and see me suffer. She had the TOB loop planned. My failure to determine which side this was would come back to haunt me, as i for some unknown reason assumed it to be the shallower, not so tough, side….and not the Jesus Chrsit, what the hell is that 80% gradient ???? side
So off we blissfully set on not as warm as forecast morn. In the group today were myself, Dellis, Sarah Weathergirl, Mark Hollowood, Darren Middleton, Paul Thornburrow , Creag Williams, Helen Barrett, Nikki Wells .
Over Wyre to begin with and then whats this, straight on at Garstang..where the hell are we going cried I. Dellis, Dellis..DELLIS ….youve made a mistake, we are heading for the steep side of the trough! Yes i know said the evil most vile woman in the world…then im not playing exclaimed I. weeping the sweat of beer and gin and im expected to climb that monster. Yes cackled Dellis and sped off on her broom to boil cats.
After crying for a good hour i eventually got back on my steed and caught up with the pack. First climb of the day 3 steps. Here we all took our time, apart from Creag, who doesnt even notice hills… unless there are 2 of them together and made of flesh. He was gone
3 steps vanquished we made our way to Chipping, which always seems uphill all the way from that side. Then a suprise guest appearance was made by Jason Ingham, appearing like Mr Benn out of nowhere to join us on fishhouse lane.
At this stage i noticed there had been a constant buzzing in my ear for about 20 miles now. Concerned that it may be tinitus i was relived when most of the other riders confirmed they had the same buzzing too. It was the Wetherill moan. Like showers in April or christmas in December, it was an event that was guaranteed to happen.
Past chipping and to the cafe for our stop of the day. A new cafe for us at Wild Boar Park. Great little place fantastic sausage barms for just £3 and with the sun out very pleasant. However the 21% gradient descent into the park, meant only one thing. Yep, we were climbing out at 21% too. So without further ado myself and Paul shifted Sarahs gear into the highest possible whilst she was in the toilet and set off with a little chuckle. Awaiting her at the top we discovered she had toppled whilst trying to clip in. Our evil little game or Sarahs numptiness. The jury is out on that one.. no hold on they have just found her guilty of numptiness by unanimous decision. She has been sentenced to life as a nurse with a yorkshire accent
Straight after Wild Boar and we hit the climbing. Cafe legs, cafe bellys, gin heads, sore arses. The trough was looming. That beast. i held back , pretending i was suffering to hide the fact that i was in fact as strong as an Ox. An Ox that died a week ago .
Rob & Louise passed us in their car. A chimp that can drive was the last thought on my mind as i started the steep ascent.
The pain lasted longer than i care to remember but we all made it safely.
The great descent made it worthwhile with a bit of tailwind flying along by the river at 30mph. Then to Scorton for ice cream before home and tales of yore in the Elk